Monthly Archives: June 2010

My First Love

Do you remember your first love?  The one to which all other loves would and will be measured?  I do.

He was tall and strong, with thick dark curly hair and a smile that could light up the heavens.  When it was directed at me I felt as if I was the most beautiful and precious person in the world.   My world revolved around him.  He was the center of my universe.  Gaining his approval was the sole purpose in most everything I did.  Seeing his eyes twinkle with laughter and pride made my heart swell.  Seeing those same eyes spark with disapproval could crush me completely.

I told my Mom I was going to marry him someday because I loved him.  She just smiled and gave me a hug. 

I remember watching him give his attention to another and feeling as if I could scream and cry.  But he always came back to me.  Always.

Even when I didn’t want his love.  When I was shoving him away and trying to assert my independence.  Even when his love felt as if it were smothering me and stifling the woman I was becoming.   He never turned his back on me and tried to keep me from making mistakes along the way.  He loved me no matter what.  And you know what, even though I wouldn’t admit it then, that tenacity made me feel even more loved and precious.

Maybe someday there will be another who can hold me and love me with as much strength as he did.  Someone who will see my flaws and love me anyway.  Someone who will always come back to me no matter what a snot I have been. 

Someone who will make me feel as if I am the most beautiful and precious woman alive.  Someone who will love me with a strength equal to that of my Dad.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy. 
I love you and miss you with all my heart.

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